Seeing Estranged Family At Funeral Mumsnet. It’s normal to see, hear or sense someone who has died. T
It’s normal to see, hear or sense someone who has died. This is a thread for anyone who is finding Christmas tough this year because of being ‘no contact’ with family, or who just wants to pop We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Family relationships are difficult. End result is I Estranged myself from some close relatives. At his funeral, it was wild hearing all these stories about how kind, helpful, and If you Google the words "estranged father dying," about a half-million hits pop up. I was included in the obituary, but I'm pretty sure it was Long timer here, been around for about 16 years on and off but would prefer not to be recognised. Have you visited someone who'd died prior to their funeral? Did you reg Well, if you want to go nuclear even though you'd be dead, literally, then leave a letter to be read out loud at your funeral should the estranged parent insist on being there (no doubt Whoever organises the funeral (normally the executors of your will) should not invite your estranged parent, but it is unlikely they will be physically prevented from attending if they find out I have been asked to write a poem for my estranged father's funeral. It my biological father’s funeral and I haven’t seen his side of the family for 10 years. A person may question their obligations to a deceased, Discover proper funeral etiquette for handling the death of Starting a dialogue with an estranged family member is a delicate process, which needs to be dealt with sensitively and thoughtfully. I am having trouble finding the words to use that will not be offensive to his siblings that will be attending. While they are family by the very definition of the word they don't sound like they have acted like family in any way. My cousin, her son, texted me this morning to say that he is going to send me If you feel that going to the funeral will bring up too many bad memories for you, then its OK not to go. Could you ask your uncle if it is being streamed or recorded (many funerals are due to covid) and Estranged from parent - my choice due to years of abuse, constant abandonment etc. How do I word this in a Qweenbee · 24/04/2019 18:10 Go and see her and miss the funeral if it's one or the other. Buy yourself a nice bottle of wine and drink a toast to her - or donate the money to a charity she’d have I have a family event coming up (funeral) and my estranged parent will be thereI don't want to have to deal with them at what is already an emotional time. Oh and I tried family therapy at his request and it was one of the most The day should be about them, not an estranged couple in the extended family. It's hard to say He'll pitch up to see our mum when other family are there to witness it, so that everyone thinks he's wonderful. I have been estranged from my Father for some 13 years, although one of my brothers still saw him from time to time. They are also estranged from the rest of our family. My exDH turns up at family funerals and it's causing me increasing discomfort. They prearranged their funeral and informed the funeral director that the cremation was to be immediate family only (as in spouse, child, sibling, parent, parent in law, sibling in law, twonaunts Good morning. I knew going in that I could If I was part of his family I don’t think I’d be welcoming you with open arms at the funeral. Especially since they believe they're the victim Been divorced 19 years - my choice and I've remarried. (For more insights into this, see G rieving the Death of an Estranged Parent. You shouldn't feel obligated to go to a funeral of someone you didn't know. My dh and his sister met with the funeral directors yesterday - she doesn't want anyone to attend other than family, so no friends etc, she doesn't want any eulogy, she didn't want to travel with I went to an estranged father's (not mine) funeral last year, and the eulogy and conversations afterwards were honest -- the good qualities he did have were mentioned along with Page 2 | Stately homes annex for survivors of family estrangement | Mumsnet Hello and welcome to the annex, a safe space for those of us who are consciously and deliberately no longer in How do you handle funerals for extended family members? What was your first family event post-estrangement like, and do you regret going? Retrorose · 03/01/2025 20:57 What impact would going NC have on others in your family, beyond your DM? I only ask because a sibling has estranged herself from my parents and the result has been to The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. Society expects us to feel sad and down when anyone dies, but Anyway 5 years on, one of the said family members he has become estranged with has passed away, we have been informed and are being pressured into attending the funeral, I have had Key points The complexity of grief is difficult to describe or understand, especially when it's a family member one has been estranged from. It comes in waves when you least Believing that attending my estranged father’s funeral might bring me some closure, I rushed to his house after receiving an urgent warning from my Long-term family estrangements usually happen for very good reasons and rarely is there a “Hollywood ending. They prearranged their funeral and informed the funeral director that the cremation was to be immediate family only (as in spouse, Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. There has been no correspondence, and I have seen them My sister and brother did see him, my sister in the home immediately after he died and my brother in the chapel of rest. You might not want to see her but I bet your bottom dollar she would like to see you. i made the mistake of going to the hospital and seeing my estranged family , helping to clear her house and plan the My mum passed away last week. Haven't seen them in 20+ years. Believing that attending my estranged father’s funeral might bring me some closure, I rushed to his house after receiving an urgent warning from my . , with 18 One of the most feared and traumatic situations adult children often face post-estrangement is the (impending) death of a parent or relative. The Internet is filled with shared stories and advice-seekers questioning whether they should visit a dying Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, Explore the emotional impact: Will you regret not visiting a dying relative? Gain insights and make informed decisions. You get closure by making it with yourself. Our family were amazing, they My mum died about 9 years ago now , we hadn't spoke for 7 years. Father recently diagnosed with a life threatening illness. Posting here for traffic. Family estrangement is a hotter topic than ever on social media, where scores of confessional videos discuss the virtues and challenges of going I lost an aunt-by-marriage recently and her funeral is next Tuesday, 30th March. Some estranged family members that I've been NC with for around 6 years will be there, and this'll be the first time I see them again. I’m feeling anxious about seeing this person again and this is only the second funeral I have I’m feeling anxious about seeing this person again and this is only the second funeral I have attended, the first of a close relative. I'm dreading his The fewer funerals I go to the better frankly, I don’t see why I’d go to one for someone I hadn’t met if my partner is happy to go on his own, which clearly he is. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send Longong back story. Increasingly lately though I've been getting upset as family is extremely important to me and I miss my brothers. I think you can have clouded judgment about funerals, it’s quite common for people to not visit in the last few years of life, especially if they themselves are elderly or if the person has I know that I'm not obliged to see them, even on the cusp of death, but it sounds like the surviving parent will not be competent to organise the funeral, sell the house - or possibly even shop Funerals bring people together under the weight of grief, reflection, and final goodbyes. But for many, they also come with another layer of emotional complexity: the presence of estranged family Curtainqueen · 01/12/2024 09:56 sarah010179 · 01/12/2024 09:39 Thanks for the replies so far, greatly appreciated x So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps The fact that your estranged parent made contact and you have had a bit of increased contact with your family as a result of this death would suggest to me that there might be a slight I have an outline of my wishes and one of the most important things to me is that an estranged (very toxic) parents does not attend my funeral or graveside. While this might be scary, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. I want to have closure, and I want to say goodbye. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? Millions of Americans are estranged from a parent or family member. I You may not want to invite a specific family member to the funeral service and post-funeral reception, but you need to keep in mind that the funeral I find the posters on Mumsnet to be generally positive, well informed and direct in their comments. Over the years of working in the field as a specialist in family estrangement, I have talked to thousands of people in support groups, research My father also saved his worst behavior for his immediate family and was incredibly well loved friends and extended family. My relative sadly passed away recently and the funeral will be in a few weeks. Should they say goodbye? Attend the funeral? Send flowers? I think with a funeral you have to do whatever’s going to leave you with the clearest conscience. We are a small family and I have just one sister who assumed I would go with her to v Thanks for the replies so far, greatly appreciated x So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps addressed to a funeral director, how would I word Receiving the news of estranged family member's death can affect us in so many different ways. People do find out often Sorry but it sounds like their has been a family fallout and they were effectively estranged or NC as MN likes to put it. What to do about funeral? whattodo?_6 Posts: 5 Forumite 21 April 2009 at 6:24PM The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. We haven’t spoke for a couple of years. Though we prefer to think of a death in the family as a reason to band together with fellow From deathbed visits to funeral services and estranged relationships, here’s a warm, practical etiquette guide for supporting others through grief and loss. I' We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. You'll see some angry/upset/ comments about relationships with partners or with parents. They are also missing out on seeing my kids (only one of my brothers has Just watched Eastenders and family visiting Lola in the funeral parlour. Estranged older half sibling (s Numbers are limited at funerals so if you haven't spoken to that side of the family they may have already 'filled' that number. My father died last week and I have no regrets not seeing him at the end. ” You may wonder how that I went to a parent's funeral/memorial and stayed several days in a house with my estranged sibling and other siblings from whom I am not estranged. Ok, bit of a long one. The funeral is on Monday 21st. I don’t know how any funeral director would be able to stop someone attending a funeral despite your wishes , they are not security guards or want an argument before a service or burial . On the other hand, if you feel that you will be OK in going, then I think it would be nice of you to go Let's face it: Funerals can be a hotbed of family drama. By not going, is there a possibility that other family members may make life awkward for Estrangement from a family member can be painful and isolating, whilst others may feel an overwhelming sense of freedom and peace. It is important Almost a year has passed since the death of my estranged parent, my absent father. The catch- I've been estranged from my mother (by my choice, for reasons AIBU to think that I'll regret not going back to the UK for my estranged father's funeral. He was there a BabstheBounder · 01/12/2024 11:04 One of my relatives died recently. How far have you come in your healing, and will reaching out put your progress in The news of the death of an estranged parent is something I found very hard to process and grieving the death of an estranged parent is very Estrangement from family members broadly means physical and emotional distancing, so that seeing or communicating with your family either stops completely or occurs only rarely. I don’t know what to do re attending his funeral. Basic is I have a moral dilema. Read on to learn how to cope with this loss. ) When you have an abusive family member and that member dies, one See sections “Extended Family Estrangement” and “Gaslighting of Estrangement” on our Estrangement wiki page. I got lucky and there's no funeral. As a holistic funeral director and celebrant, as well as a We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. No. A very young family member has died and I want to go to her funeral. An estranged family member who I had quite a big falling out with will be there. I've just found out my estranged brother has a te I went to see my dad after he died in the Chapel of Rest and was glad I did as the last memory I had of him was seeing him dead in the hospital and he looked more like himself in the chapel. I saw him once in 20 years with a few emails in between. February 27, 2018 11:42 AM Subscribe My grandmother is likely in her last days, so I'm expecting to attend her funeral soon. I reached out to my biofather’s spouse when When confronted with an estranged sibling’s death, some are as stunned by grief as the relatives who maintained a close connection. But I When a death occurs and the family is not intact, knowing how to reach out and deciding whether or not to attend the funeral or memorial service can be The illness or death of an estranged family member can be vexing for surviving relatives. How to approach a difficult funeral when a family is in conflict, crisis, and estrangement. Estranged from parents, mother has passed away. Sibling has asked me to go to hospital to see them on death bed. With their guidance, you'll make the best of this situation We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Grief is a funny thing. I was wondering if anyone may have some advice about As someone whose estranged parent just died last week, I advise that if your gut says don’t visit or call, don’t do it. Even if I haven’t seen my father for 10 years, he died last week. Looking back on messages there are a couple of times he asked to see me but that was when the relationship had already ended in my mind and enough had been done. Whatever The best place to begin planning a funeral with an estranged family is to meet with a reputable funeral home in your area today. I had been to see my Mum after she died and did not find it helpful. So if I write a pre-funeral letter specifically about funeral arrangements or perhaps addressed to a funeral director, how would I word that I don't want that person to attend under any Funeral directors also face their own challenges when someone estranged dies, said Kari Northey, a funeral director in Wayland, Mich. Dear Abby: I’ve been estranged from my three siblings, their spouses and their families for 35 years — my choice. And this is the result, people fall out and people get hurt. Going to the funeral However I can say my db is a funeral director and he sees more arguments over people not being told than they do with estranged people actually being informed. He passe My mam passed away recently and my sister and I were the only ones to arrange all her wake ( InIreland) and her funeral. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.